Embedded Files
AUTHOR’S NOTE
I wrote this series using poems because it depicts perfectly the emotions and feelings behind the story, this story is a mixture of my personal depression story and how I feel it would likely have been if I had given in to depression and ended it all. I truly felt almost all the emotions in the story and I almost gave in to suicide but my heavenly Father’s loving eye saw me through all and saved me from eternal damnation. Dear lovely readers, some of you may have felt some of the emotions in this content but I urge you not to give up cos there’s a purpose for your pain, it will make you stronger and more dogged afterwards, it’s a tool you can’t do without in the completion of your success story. Don’t give up on me in between the series, follow me till the very end.
Yours,
Adegoke Toluwani Boluwatife
One
She looks perfect
A golden angel
She’s got everything
But…………
There’s a battle inside her
She’s been wallowing
Unwilling to let go
She’s built up the hatred
The resentment…
The anger…..
So perfect is she
That she covers it all up
Under a smiling f`acade
Her shadows reflects
The darkness all over……
….it’s deathly black
She’s afraid
She keeps resisting
Isn’t willing to be helped
Cos she sees the same thing over
:”That ravenous smiling bastard
shredding her to pieces
down to almost nothing”
She hates healing
It hurts more than the painful hatred
Will she ever let them in?
She’s got to feel the pain
She’s got to be broken
She’s got to cry
Lest she becomes harened
Erupting………
…….destroying her own self.
TWO
Appears to be a friend
Gets all your trust
Embraces just perfectly
Kills silently
He’s the devil himself
Communes in strong whispers
Presents deathly gifts
Caresses the mind……….
…….Yet strangles the soul
Makes you a home
Situated in a valley called lone
Then entraps……
Centuries he has existed…
…..Before her conception
She’s been deceived
Given all her to him
She’s alive
YET
She’s been long gone
Don’t give up on me, keep going with me till the end
Three
Daily she’s fighting
Got to let her go
She wants to stop it all
Lest she becomes betrothed…
…even to death
Seems she can never stop it
It’s a force…….
…..Leading her to her grave
They’re in her head
Her demons exist right there
In an instant…..
…..Seems life can’t be sweeter
ANOTHER
Life becomes dangerous
‘You’ve need to let go
End it all…DIE!!!!!!!!!’
Her demons speak
In their thousands
So much she can’t resist
All that is right….
….That very moment….
….Is painful tears
She needs a calm
To her storm
Lest she comes to yield
Four
She’s fading away
slowly………..
She knows it
Yet chooses to be blind
She doesn’t want to be healed
Yet her soul wants to be healed
……….needs to be healed………
Her pains
Her sorrows
Her pangs
Her resentments
Her heartbreaks
Her broken trusts
They’re her demoms
They’ve got her at her heels
They’re holding on so tight
Won’t let her go
She needs to be free…….
She needs to let it all go….
…..Lest she surrenders and they ruin her….
Oh……
She needs to be healed
For her to heal
For a broken potter’s hand
Can never mend a broken pot.
Five
Life for life
Dreams for dreams
She’s growing more broken
She’s wished
Has regrets……..
…….Troubles
Can she ever see the light….
……Again…….
Her bed’s got stories Untold….
Of her nightly sorrows and tears
Her pillow’s got loud cries….
……Pressed down
She’s finished
Lost it all
Can she getr all back?
She’s dying softly…..
Slowly…..
Ignoring the signs
Nearing her grave
Her death
Her doom
Her end
Oh…..big dreams
A big vision
She’s got a life!!!!!!!
Yet she’s sinking
Sinking deep into him
He’s got a hold of her
Overshadowed all of her
Alas!!!!!!
She’s sunk into depression
Six
Her one intent desire
To flee from it all
Covered up deeply
Six fees underground
Away from pains
Condemnations………..
Betrayals……………
Tears…………
She’s tried so hard
To pull through
She’s been face to face
With her dear devils
They scorned
Mocked
Was unbent at first
Then she gave in
Fell to her knees
…………BROKEN………..
…………DESPAIRED……..
As she lets it all out
Couldn’t do it again
Gave in……
At their mercy…..
Ravishing her……
Will she ever make it
So close she is…..
Seven
And a day
She longed for death
Clunged tight to shallowness
Became acquainted with darkness
Sorrow was her husband
Tears were ger wine
Finally…….
She fell in love with death
Wanted so much
That her life be ripped outta her
She picked up her lover’s weapon
For he had poisoned her soul
……………………………………………
A gulp down her waiting throat
Down she goes like the crashing waves
Bat her eyelid one more time
As she took in the image of her damaged life
A smile on her face
A one-eye tear slid down her face
Took each step slowly
Towards her lover’s waiting arms
As she gave in to his cold embrace…….
…………………………………………
Author’s note: – I could have said the end but the story continues……
Eight
And then…
The only one that mattered
In her life of nothingness
Came…basking in with the joy
Of the thought of seeing
His only reason for holding on….
…….TO HOPE……..
……..TO FAITH……..
‘His only daughter’
He opened the one thing
Standing between him and….
…His beloved begotten
Seeing his only beloved
Sprawled on the floor
Given in to death…
….He cried and sobbed
As he carried the lifeless body
Of the only treasure...
…He used to have…
He screamed out to his Father
‘I longed, prayed, fasted
that her life be granted not to death
but to life…….
….Abba Father…..
….Do not let her go….
…..Have mercy…..
He sobbed and prayed on…
……………………………………….
Nine
Betrayal…
Even in death
It gave her up
Sent her to oblivion
Everlasting darkness…..
…..Her portion be……..
……………………………….
INTERMISSION
…………………………………
Her beloved Father never gave her up
Carrying her lifeless body
Submitted to the voice in his heart
As he kept praying and hoping
Drove her lifeless body
To the place of hope
Left in the world (hospital)
yet…..
He never stopped calling
To his heavenly Father
Ten
….Suddenly in the midst of her darkness
A voice called out to her
A voice like rushing waters
And the voice that called out to her said….
“Remember!!!!…..I am with you
I’ll take the pain
And I’ll heal you in time
……YOUR PAINS…….
……YOUR SORROWS…..
……YOUR BROKEN HEART….
……YOUR BROKEN TRUST…..
They’re all for a purpose
I’ll be with you
I’ll never leave….
….nor……
….forsake you…..
Don’t forget!!!!!!….
If you’ve never felt the pain
You’ll never know
You’ll never understand how it feels
Your remeberance of pain….
…..Will make you compassionate…
Concluding Author's Note Part
Meet the girl behind the story, this is my story.
Thanks for going through the story with me. I didn’t put the author’s note in between the parts on purpose, I didn’t want to break/remove the effects of the story.
Yes, you might have gone through something terrible in the past and it made you sink into depression, though it may seem like that’s the end of the world, it sure isn’t, if you let go, there’s light at the end of the tunnel, there’s something glorious in you that you might never see. I’ve been there before and I know how easy it is to be trapped there forever, I know of those voices in the head that keep disturbing but you can overcome, don’t give up, don’t you give up on me, don’t give up on your loved ones, don’t give up on the world.
There’s a reason for your pains and struggles and I tell you, thousands of people out there are waiting for you to overcome so you can fulfil your purpose and thereby help them fulfil theirs. It is never too late, I found my healing and I am healed, HE(MY ONE AND ONLY SAVIOUR) rubbed me with the balm of Gilead, HE gave me beauty for my ashes, the oil of joy for mourning and I confess that though the voices try to come back into my head, He has given me the power and authority to shut them up, come to HIM, HE is willing to aid you as HE did to me ...
REMEMBER,
YOUR DEEPEST FEAR IS NOT THAT YOU ARE INADEQUATE
YOUR DEEPEST FEAR IS THAT YOU ARE POWERFUL BEYOND MEASURES
YOU ASK YOURSELF
WHO AM I TO BE BRILLIANT, GORGEOUS, TALENTED AND FABULOUS?
WHO ARE YOU NOT TO BE!
FOR YOU WERE BORN TO MAKE A MANIFEST OF THE GLORY OF GOD THAT IS WITHIN YOU
AND AS YOU LET YOUR OWN LIGHT SHINE
YOU UNCONSCIOUSLY GIVE OTHERS
THE PERMISSION TO DO THE SAME.
YOURS,
Adegoke Toluwani Boluwatife.
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